


The Night Sky

by AnonWriter714



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Black Mesa Sweet Voice, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, I use the spelling Benry from the passport, Just two bros sitting on the roof few feet apart, Light Angst, M/M, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24166162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonWriter714/pseuds/AnonWriter714
Summary: One night, Gordon can’t sleep. In his restlessness he resorts to talking with Benry in hopes his nonsense will drive him unconscious. It ends up going different than expected. And consequences.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 20
Kudos: 411





	1. Part 1

“Goodnight Tommy.”

After eliminating the US military and two rocket launches, Gordon finishes tucking the last member of the science team to sleep. He manages his best when it comes to a concrete floor. With the team asleep he finds himself a corner to lay down and wait for blissful unconsciousness

Minutes go by and still his thoughts ramble and lapse over the events today. It bothers him. Sleep should be the easiest thing to achieve but now he's become his own enemy. It wasn't that he's not tired, his mind just can't _stop_.

More minutes pass, and he's starting to think all the adrenaline and morphine shots from the HEV suit might be the reason. Out of the stillness, a beautiful distant song sings to the night. It sounds like its coming from the roof. He's never seen Benry sleep, so it doesn't surprise him he would be up through these ungodly hours. Still, he wonder what the anomaly was doing up there. 

He stares at the ceiling listening to the soft vocals of Benry's song. Its beautiful, really. A quality he wasn't afraid of admitting in front of the others that he likes about Benry. As soothing as the Sweet Voice can be, he still can't seem to fall asleep.

He silently picks himself up, maneuvering around the sleeping science team until he's in the next room. In there is a maintenance ladder that leads to the roof. He stares at the glossy red coat of paint, tired and sore from all the mayhem. He climbs anyway, one step over the over. He props open the hatch and looks around. 

The night air is cool with distant crickets chirping, a humanoid outline is sitting at the edge of the roof not too far from his position.

“Hey, Benry.” Gordon mutters. “What you doing out here?"

“pretty cool out here. its nice.” Benry doesn't bother looking at him. By the angle of the helmet, he can tell the guard is looking at the blood riddled launch site below them.

“If you mean the stars, yeah it is.” He brings himself up, and takes a seat beside the guard. Actually, a moderate distance away from him, but still close enough to have a casual conversation. In the corner of his eye he can see the guard staring at him.

“why are you out here? isn’t it your nap time?” There he goes. The reason he bothered coming out here; have him insult him to unconscious. Will it work doesn't matter, he can't think of any other options.

“Napping and sleeping are two different things.”

“nupppin nuh huhnuh.” Benry holds up a hand, motioning an annoying puppet.

“Don’t you need sleep too?” He pulls a knee up to rest his head, already beginning to nod off.  The guard scoffs and shuffles to resume staring back at the battlefield. 

“no.” 

Gordon didn't think too much on that response and waits for more. He expected more belittling from Benry, but the guard looks content with swinging his feet over the edge. Gordon takes to star gazing believing that'll finish him off. He feels himself drifting off. Sharp memories of gunfire, explosions, and scoring heat of fire pierce his thoughts jolting him back to full alert.  _Boop_.

He heard that from his left. He glances over to see the security guard still peacefully sitting, not noticing the episode he just woke from. A blue orb floats in front of his mouth. He takes it in his hands and rolls it around. Gordon watches as he brings it close to his shadowed face, the blue light illuminating his eyes under the helmet before dissipating into the air. Gordon rubs his eyes to see clearly. The light in Benry's eyes lingers beyond the orb’s expiration seconds before returning normal.

“What was that?” Gordon asks voicing his concern. Benry's back stiffens and shoots him a surprised look.

“i thought you- the Sweet Voice. i told you." It doesn't take long for Gordon to decode his thoughts.

“No, not that. What happen with your eyes?” He scoots closer and the guard inches back in response.  This was very strange, he’s never seen Benry try to avoid him. Come to think of it, the moment he stopped talking was odd in itself.

“...huh?” The guard tries to play dumb as usual whenever he wants to dodge questioning. Without warning, he sings out another orb, though he was quick to stop himself as if he didn’t mean for that to happen. Like before, it illuminated his eyes to an unusual brightness. Too bright to be a reflection from the colored orb.

“There! You’re doing it again.” Before he could get a closer look, the guard abruptly looks away.

“i don't know what you’re talking about. i think you’re crazy.”

“Look at me then.”

“I don't want to.”  Gordon furrowed his brow. Frustration building up from his childish behavior, but not quite enough that he would touch him.

“Benry, don’t screw with me, please.” The guard drops his shoulders.

“fine.” He turns around to face him. His eyes appear normal. If anything he looked irritated. “why are you so mean, man?”

“Your eyes were glowing. I saw it!” Benry gives no reaction and just stares at him. Gordon waited on him before pressing further. “Well, are you going to explain?”

“huh- no.” With his trance broken, he spun away again acting like a pouting child.

“No? Fine. I’m going back down then.” More agitated than tired, he stood and took a step towards the ladder. It was a lost cause to argue with the brick wall, a mistake to come up here.

“no wait!” He nearly face planted. He's leg was caught in something. He looks down finding Benry lying flat across the floor holding on to his foot. He looks back up at him like a sad puppy.

“What is your problem? You won't-”

“i was kidding.” He begs, still keeping Gordon’s foot hostage.

“Kidding?" Anger swells inside of him. "Kidding you didn’t know your eyes can glow?” Gordon wasn’t going to let this slip, he knows what he saw. He stares down the guard who’s usually expressionless face now looked anxious and scared. There was a minute of silence, but the physicist can tell Benry was thinking about his answer.

“...if i say yes, will you stay here with me?” Gordon pinches the bridge of his nose. He would prefer a straight answer, but he's not getting any sleep anytime soon, what's to lose.

“Sure, whatever man. Just tell me why that happens.” Pleased, the guard releases his foot and takes a crossed-legs sitting position. Gordon follows suit.

“its fine.” Guard avoids making eye contact. His eyes focus on the cement ground. “because i’m not human, remember?” 

Gordon stares at him perplexed. He remembers, during their first interaction going down to the test chamber. He made that claim like an excuse to follow him rather than a legitimate fact.

“Excuse me?” He searches the guard’s face for any indication he’s joking, but he looks serious. Hearing the disbelief in his voice, Benry crosses his arms and tucks them tight. He kicks out a leg to spin himself so he's not facing him up front.

“i told you, man. when we first met. i had to follow you and you complained about radiation and shit.” His shoulders tense as he pulls himself into a tighter hug.

“Yeah, I remember. I thought you were lying. Dude, you don’t just blurt that out and expect people to believe you.” Suddenly streams of jarring, high pitch vocals cut through the night. Several colors of the Sweet Voice fly out of Benry’s mouth as he screams at the sky. The team sleeping below them will surely wake up if he keeps this up.

“SH- Benry, stop!” Gordon lunges at him attempting to shut his mouth. It temporarily works until Benry shoves him off spilling more cries.

“i-i’m angry!” He manages to yell out between outbursts while also straddling with Gordon. Once Gordon gets past his boot-to-face defense, he finally has him pinned and clasps his hands over his mouth. Bits of colors leak out from under his hands and, telling from the mouth moving, he's trying to bite him. Gordon tries calling his name to get his attention but nothing works. Stressed, he screams at him the only thing in his mind.

“I’m sorry!” Benry ceases his struggle and for once in this whole conversation makes eye contact. “You're not human. That's fine. I should've listen. Just- Please, keep it down.” Gordon keeps his hold on him until his own nerves are calmed. He shakily removes his hands and gets a good view of the other’s teeth. They're sharp and triangular like a piranha. The Sweet Voice trapped inside paints his mouth different hues and gives a disturbing visual on how deadly his jaws can be.

“You...” Gordon’s words died in his mouth. He doesn’t know how to respond. Benry remains stock still under him, his eyes alert to all of his movements. The piercing glare reminds him that he still has the being pinned. Even after he climbs off, Benry stays in his position.

The stillness was dragging on far too long for Gordon's liking. He hastily grabbed at questions circulating his head just to end the silence. "Benry your- are you-" he cuts himself off. The next word was ‘dangerous’ but given the previous display of distress, that would’ve set him off again. “I- I need a minute.”  He lets himself fall backwards, lying flat on his back to stare up at the sky. 

The crickets resumed their chirping and maybe if he looks hard enough he can find the rockets, looking for anything to forget about Benry for a few seconds. Unfortunately, he hears shuffling and soon the guard is sitting at his side.

“you good, bro?” Nothing looks out of the ordinary and he has that usual emotionless visage.

“No. I am not, because of you.”

“you want to talk about it?” Gordon rubs his temples, feeling a headache build.

“I don’t think I want to anymore.” His mind was racing with what he’s just learned about the anomaly, actual anomaly, sitting next to him. He needs a drink whether water or alcohol, he doesn’t care. He’s so confused, and disoriented. Maybe he had fallen asleep and this was all just a dream - a nightmare. 

Something hits his chest plate. He looks down to see the guard resting his helmet head on his chest. Human or not, it's still Benry.

“What are you doing?”

“checking your pulse. see if you still have a heartbeat.” He deadpans as if it was obvious. Slightly recovered from his mental breakdown, Gordon nudges the entity off to sit upright.

“That’s not how you check a pulse.” Benry sits attentive. “Why would you care if I died?” He doesn’t respond, instead shifts his position to look at the moon.

“its a nice night. i maybe we should kiss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewritten to clean up the writing


	2. Part 2

Gordon froze. His brain can’t take anymore of this mental assaulting. “‘We should kiss,’ are you serious?” He props himself up. Benry looks over and shoots him a smug smile.

“you ever see Aladdin, bro?” 

“Tell me,” Gordon had to figure out where Benry was getting at. “On a scale one to ten, what do you rate me?”

“not unless you tell me first...” The guard moves in closer, his face more daring. “ Or show me your passport.”

“I don’t-“ Gordon held his tongue. This might be the only time he can get a solid answer. “... 7.” He didn’t want to think why he picked 7 instead of any other lower number. He despised him. No matter he is, he's still an idiot who just wants to push all his buttons.

“7?” The entity cocks a brow unimpressed. “wow that’s lame. you’re pretty lame bro. mines a 1 plus 10.” Now Gordon was the one staring blankly. He was prepared for this to be a joke, that they would scream 'sike' at him any moment. A flash of panic passes over Benry’s face and he instantly spins a 180.  “not in that - uh... ‘like-like’ you kind of way. you're really lame, idiot.”

Gordon can easily read the body language. He skirts around the guard until he’s situated in front of him. The helmet covers half the face, but the parts he can see are flushed red. He reaches out and tilts the other's head up. In the shadows, Gordon can clearly see the soft, yet unnatural, cyan light illuminating from the irises. Benry flinches.

“w-what are you doing?” He sounds nervous yet allows Gordon to continue examining his features. He ignores the question and moves his hand lower over Benry’s jaw. Using his thumb he gently pulls back his upper lip to reveal the same set of sharp teeth from before.

“Is that why you’re showing me all this?” A hand grabs his wrist, fingernails morph into claws before his eyes. A pinch of fear travels up his arm, unsure what Benry was going to do. Relief washes over when he only lowers his hand and lets go. Though it didn't go unnoticed that their face twisted in mild pain in response to his fear.

“i didn’t want to," his voice was tense, "but now you’re kind of forcing me.” The being looks down, hiding his face under the helmet again. “you- you make things so much harder. like, you're fun and all, but the same time...” He curls into a ball with the features gradually returning to appear normal. "you look scared, like _really_ scared when I do."

Gordon pauses and looks to the stars. He takes his time to let this information settle. A non-human entity impersonating a security guard has a crush on him. It did scare him when it showed only because he's afraid he'd turn on him and kill him easier than anything else. But knowing his feelings now, what does he need to fear. 

“Benry, it’s okay.” He wraps a comforting arm around the guard. The being eases into the hug. After a moment they rest their head on his shoulder. They both look up at the sky, the moon high over head with parts of the Milky Way showing through, a benefit of star-gazing from the middle of nowhere.

“you still wanna kiss?” Gordon chuckles at that question, not that he was joking but by how blunt it was asked. Benry leans closer and leaves a little smooch under his cheek.  Gordon wants to respond with a 'I love you' back, but couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

“So, is there anything else I should know?” Benry hesitates on his answer.

“...ye-yeah, i guess- only if you’re cool with it.” Gordon can't say he knows what he means, but agrees anyway.

“Yeah, after all that's happened tonight, I think I can handle it.” He’s surprised when the guard moves to stand and walks to the ledge. “Woah, Benry, be careful.” He scuffles to his feet. Before Gordon reaches him, Benry walks over the edge and disappears. He holds his breath.

Seconds later a hand reaches back over the ledge, but its much, much bigger than normal. Gordon backs away. The rest of Benry emerges above the edge. He's using the building to help himself up.

Gordon’s jaw goes slack and he staggers backwards. Judging his appearance, Benry must be kneeling to keep level with him. But if he stood up, he probably stand as tall as the cliffs surrounding them.

Benry looks equally scared and upon seeing Gordon’s reaction he sours. 

“i knew it.” He hisses, voice straining to hold back emotions, yet still quiet enough to be at whisper level.  Gordon was lost for words looking up at Benry’s giant form. The fear he knew he shouldn't feel hits him full force. “i knew you’d be afraid. i didn't...” He stops before his voice gets any louder. 

Thoughts drowning in adrenaline, Gordon makes a retreat towards the building. He’s blocked by one of Benry’s gigantic hands. The other makes a grab for Gordon and uses his thumb to cover his mouth. Gordon kicks and screams trying to free himself, his heart painfully pounding against his chest. Benry drags him in close and, in the darkness, Gordon can see the glistening sharp teeth and eerie, regretfully shining eyes. 

Although he wasn’t trying to be intimidating, Benry looked down right terrifying to him. “i’m sorry.” We’re his final words and there was definitely guilt weighing on them. Benry lets out a long stream of the Sweet Voice and Gordon’svision is immersed in reddish pink followed by darkness.

* * *

“Wh...What happen?” Gordon feels himself sprawled out on the floor. There’s a pounding in his head and his body sore.

“Hello Gordon! Finally awake I see." Coomer’s voice chirped happy as ever. "We were worried you’d never wake up.” Gordon props himself up seeing the rest of the science team huddled around him.

“You’ve been asleep for hours since the... accident.” Bubby notes. Gordon pulls himself to a sitting position.

“Accident?” He doesn’t remember an accident. In fact he can’t remember much after the rocket launches. And he has a pounding headache.

“Yes.” Bubby points up. Above them was a long maintenance shaft with a label ‘Surface Access.’ “We had to carry you down that ladder, but you slipped and fell to the bottom.”

“We were so scared Mr.Freeman.” Tommy piped up. Gordon was stuck staring at the drop he apparently plummeted from.

“Y-you dropped me? While I was asleep- And how is it my fault I slipped?!” That would explain the soreness, but-

“We had to get a move on, Gordon. I estimate that the Lambda lab is about 8 hours away.” Coomer explained followed by Bubby.

“You were kicking like a gazelle, therefore, you slipped.”

“But that’s like a 60-foot drop. I should be dead!” He doubts the HEV suit- no it was absolutely impossible for the HEV suit to save him from a fall like that.

“Indeed, you almost died.” Bubby confirms, not at all bothered by the fact.

“Thankfully, Benry here was able to cocoon your wounds so you wouldn’t bleed out like a dropped soda.” Coomer motions to someone behind Gordon.

“Benry...” He twists around and there was security guard, sitting silently.

“It was a lot of teal, Mr.Freeman.” Gordon didn’t take his eyes off him. He feels like he’s forgetting something, and Benry has yet to say anything.

“It was an impressive amount,” Coomer adds. “I wouldn’t doubt his voice box will be exhausted for the next couple of hours.” That’s the reason then. Gordon dismisses the memory searching and refocuses on the group.

“So... Benry’s been with you the whole time?” He combed a hand through his hair. It sticks to his glove and when he pulls back his hand is covered in teal coloration with specks of red. Head injury. Its all starting to make sense.

“Of course.” Bubby responds. “But if he wasn’t first down, I don’t think we could’ve saved you.”

“It really is a miracle, Gordon. You should be thankful,” Coomer beams back with a cheery smile. It doesn't help  Gordon, who was still confused. The science team obviously carried him while asleep and he had a nightmare or something. Now, he’s suffering from memory loss. But he still feels something is off.

“Are you okay Mr. Freeman? I want to go home, but if you need rest then we can.”

“Tommy is right, Gordon. We should get a move on as soon as possible.” That’s right, they’re still in Black Mesa. They need to survive. Maybe whatever he forgot will come back to him later.

“No, I’m good. Lets get moving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 and 2 updated on June 10


	3. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon being seeing things again.

The physicist takes a quick look around. The room is decorated with crates, oil barrels, and steel industrial piping. A monorail cart lays station and prepped for departure.  At least there's that going for him. He was not in any position for long walks, his muscles protesting the motion just to stand.

“Alright, all aboard.” He calls out to the team. They all bee line and pack inside the cart before Gordon even reaches it himself. He eyes the guard sitting on the hood, arms cross and mouth pulled in a pout impatiently waiting for him. He can imagine the mockery Benry would say about his pace, good thing he can't. Gordon can't help but smile at the twist of fate. “So, no voice huh?” He nudges the mute guard, expecting some sort of retort. However the mood quickly dies when Benry only continues to silently stare at him, not even a scowl in response. Gordon backs off, a chill running down his spine like he just upsetted a lion. Sure, the man doesn't die, and sings orbs of colors, but that should not have caused a drastic spike of fear from him.

He drops the smirk, mentally reasoning with himself to keep calm and ask a sincere question.  “You doing okay?” He crosses his arms feeling vulnerable and awkward at his sudden shift in tone. The guard doesn’t respond for a minute, giving him merely a blink. Then he hops off the cart, walks back to the dock bay and finally out of sight around a corner.

“Way to go, you big prick,” Bubby yells right beside Gordon. Yeah, he was feeling the guilt.

“That was a little harsh, Gordon. He did save your life after all.” Coomer adds with disappoint in his voice.

“I know that,” He snaps back at the pair, turning on his heels to follow after Benry and apologize before they can continue their guilt-tripping shenanigans. Rounding the corner reveals a dead end full of storage crates. He checks every nook and cranny for the guard, there's not a lot of hiding spot for him to hide, but the guard is nowhere to be found. He was just gone. Honestly he shouldn't be surprised, Benry already demonstrating inhuman traits, vanishing from this plan of existence might as well be another one. Pondering some more, the crates could be stacked and there was a vent over head.

Satisfied with the thought, Gordon returns to the waiting team empty handed.

“I don’t know where he went, I think he crawled into the vents" he forces his guilt down, he'll save his sorry later, but can't believe his little joke forced Benry to just leave. But Black Mesa isn't a place to judge morality. "I’m sure we’ll see him up ahead.” He swiftly dismisses the incident and the team silently agrees, its not like this is the first time.

The train ride didn't last long, it driving them off the rails and into the flooded underground. Albeit, Bubby or Coomer did have a role in that chain of events, pressing the turbo button when he specially told them not to touch it. In their current situation, Gordon can only be glad its the clean drinking water. The adrenaline rush did help with the soreness still mildly present, and the HEV suit air supply gave him the extra support needed to navigate the tunnels to the next air pocket.

Those air pockets are becoming more scarce. The fear of drowning becoming most prevalent now that his air supply is depleted and there's still no break in the water's surface. If he doesn't get air soon- no he's not going to die. He's made this far, he can't die. He swims harder, eyes closed and just focus on powering through. He hits something.

His eyes are greeted by the sunken hollow holes of a skull. The scream he lets out releases the last of his air supply.

Air.

He flails sporadically, unable to focus on anything else but choke at the stinging in his chest. Suddenly he breaches the surface, desperately gasping in precious air and pumping his lungs free.

“What is wrong with you?” Bubby continues to drag him out and drops him on dry concrete. His head injury flares on impact. He bolts into a sitting position nursing the back of his head. Science Team appears behind him and behind them is that skeleton, finding itself a corner to watch from. Gordon waves at the team to let them know he's okay and heaves the last bit of water from his lungs.

“Hold on," he hacks out. A few more breathes and he finally has voice under control.

"Are you okay, mister Freeman?" Over Tommy's shoulder, the skeleton tilts its skull almost in curiosity. He gives Tommy a reassuring pat, his eyes switching focus between him and the skeleton.

"Can you all give me a minute, I need to talk to myself.” He turns to address the team whom all oblige and begin discussing how to prepare a headcrab. Gordon approaches the skeleton, pretty sure who it is. “Hey, is that you?” The skeleton doesn’t respond and just continues watching him.

Wait, Benry didn't die, but last time this thing talked, it sounded awfully close to like him. He’s not sure if it was, for all he knows, it could just be his imagination and he really is just seeing things. “Whatever or whoever you are, don’t do that again.” The skeleton opens it's mouth and spills a quick green. No, it's real he can't imagine this. “I swear, if that’s you Benry...” The threat flat. What would he do? Straggle the skeleton. “Why are you here? Why you got to be a pain?” The skeleton answers another quip of the Sweet Voice, green to yellow. Gordon narrows his eyes, how is he suppose to understand the Sweet Voice.

“Tommy,” Tommy perks up, “what's green to yellow?”

“Um, that - that means you’re a mean fellow.” Gordon huffs, about to rant at the skeleton.

“Gordon, these hallucinations of yours have me concerned. Are you perhaps suppressing some form of guilt?” Now that Coomer reminded him, yes. But that stays inside, even with the skeleton - possibly Benry- standing by his side.

“What- no, why would I?” He repeats the phrase over in head, hoping it will over power the truth and forget about it. He motions for the team to follow. "I'm done talking with myself." Before leaving, he speaks aside to the skeleton. “You, just stay away from me.” It doesn't make any notion of following, but Gordon has a sinking feeling it will.

* * *

“Look Gordon, ropes!” Gordon's face drops at the sight. Its not one, or two, or three, but a whole roomful. Coomer already getting himself tangled in the vine jungle forcing him to get to work. One tedious ‘help me Gordon’ at a time. There's a tug at his hair and reflexively he fires at the 'rope' behind him.

“Woah!” Both Bubby and Tommy jump out of the way with the bullet grazing Bubby’s glasses.

“Gordon, trigger discipline!” Coomer calls out behind him. Guess there’s no more ropes if he’s not crying for help. Gordon feels his head for anything out of place.

“Sorry Bubby, I just- I swear I- did you pull my hair?” Bubby adjusts his glasses, clearly frustrated.

“Why the hell would I do that?” Just when he says that, there’s another, almost teasing, sharp tug at his hair again.

“Dr. Coomer, stop!” He swirls on his heels. The mustached man is far beyond arm's reach from him.

“Stop what, Gordon?” Confusion riddles his face. Gordon felt it, he knows he felt it.

“Touching me!”

“No one is touching you mister Freeman.” Tommy's voice breaks through. Gordon calms down, if Tommy says no one is touching him, then no is touching.

“Look Gordon, I don’t know what is wrong, but none of us have set a finger on you.” Bubby responds and Tommy nods in agreement.

“Are you sure you’re okay from that fall, mister Freeman? You have been imagining things a lot again lately.” Gordon combs the top of his head again, double checking there's not a spider or mutant bug on him.

“Its the stress, its catching up to me. How about I take the rear.” Not keen on being shot at again, Bubby and Tommy move ahead without argument. Dr.Coomer continues to lead onward.

He feels that tug again and even worse, it doesn’t stop when he starts walking. He grinds his teeth, doing his best to ignore the sensation. It's not bad. Rather very pleasant, the most comforting thing he's felt in their entire adventure. He slightly angles his head into the motion, shamelessly wanting this to continue for as long as possible.

Just to confirm his suspicion, he slowly turns his head enough to see behind him. Pearly white knuckles dip in and out the corner of his vision. Yup, it the skeleton again. Since nothing has jumped them yet, he figures its best he let the skeleton do it’s thing, and not complain. He can't recall how long he's been running on auto-pilot, quietly trailing behind the others distracted by the feeling of his hair being played with.

“Excellent thinking Gordon! A tactical advantage to keep the ‘stray-aways’ away.” Coomer’s voice cuts through his thoughts. He looks behind himself for these ‘stray-aways' he's referring.

“I like your braiding mister Freeman. Maybe you can teach me.” Gordon looks back in time to catch Tommy’s face go ecstatic.  “Oh! We can practice on Sunkist!” Now knowing they’re referring to his hair, he runs a hand across and feels the small bumps of a braid running down when his hair is suppose to be loose.  He frantically starts undoing the braid, red flushing over his face out of anger and embarrassment.

“Frankly, I’m not fond of the ‘rat-tail’ look either,” He hears Bubby whisper.

* * *

  
Hydraulics. Why is Black Mesa one death trap after another?

“How are we suppose to cross this?” Gordon points out the piece of railing that's cut off as if indicating you’re suppose to cross said death trap.

“Easy platforming.” Gordon would’ve laughed at Bubby’s words had he not flawlessly jumped across each piston like a game of leap frog. “See?” He yells from across the way.

“Excellent work Bubby,” Coomer claps.

“Can I go next?” Tommy works his way to the front and jumps ahead before Gordon can object. Surprisingly, he gets across with ease like Bubby.

“Good job, Tommy! Your turn Gordon.” Coomer smiles and pushes him to the edge. He's not afraid of heights, but the terror of being crushed hangs in his mind.

“Are you sure about this? Is there a ladder over there or something or anything that doesn't put me at risk dying?”

“Just jump across!” Bubby dryly encourages. Feeling helpless, he builds up his nerve and jumps on the piston. He already feels nauseous, yet somehow manages to leap to the second. His legs buckle once landing and he already sees the piston approaching. He doesn’t have enough time to get up.

“No no no-“ he feels his impeding doom. All he can do is shut his eyes and listen to the horrible stress of metal bending.

“I saved you.” He looks up. Like an angel, Dr. Coomer is over him holding up the metal plate with frightening ease. Panic subsiding, he takes the moment to catch his breath.

“Thank you- thank you, Dr. Coomer.”

“Jump across already!” God Bubby was impatient, but he makes the last jump without any problems, finally joining the group... plus one. The skeleton is there, just sitting on the rail spectating the whole thing.

“Dr. Coomer, you jammed the mechanism.” Bubby calls out and sure enough, the second piston refuses to move. He then shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t think this machine is important anyway. Let’s move on.” With everyone out of the way, Gordon can have a private chat with this specter.

“I’ll catch up, just give me a minute.” Once again the team looks among themselves and leave him alone. He slumps on the rail next to the skeleton, his knuckles holding a death grip around the metal. “You enjoy that, watch me nearly get crushed?” If anyone heard his tone, they’d think him insane. The skeleton once again remains silent, but picks up his aggression. It spits a stream of blue directly in his face. Gordon refuses, but he still tastes blue in his mouth and forcibly calms down. “I still don’t understand why you are here.” He admits, tired from lacking of any anger and the energy that went with it.

He expects the skeleton to stare at him as always, but it does hop off and stands by the nearest hydraulic. Once the piston opens, it hops inside and waits. Instead of pulverizing into dust, the mechanism locks up and metal screeches to a halt.

“So, you're the one who saved me?” For once the skeleton gives approval by showing a thumbs up. “Well I guess you’re not Benry. I wasn’t really sure, but I know the asshole would leave me to die.” The being drops his hand and resumes staring. “You on the other hand, you’re actually helpful, thank-” The entity shoots away, flying through the nearest wall at incredible speed.

* * *

It's funny, Gordon thinks to himself, the longer they travel, the more isolated he feels. Not that the team was ignoring him and or anything. They keep him on his toes, constantly reminding Tommy about gun safety, the small panic attack every time Coomer mentions a rope, and Bubby's helpful advice that sounds more like threats. Occasionally, a joke or eventful mishap will earn him a laugh, but nothing as impacting that Benry can manage as much as he irritates him. Conversations died pretty fast without Benry even if he derailed it, he still kept them all engaged.

He shakes his head, those last thoughts had to be symptoms from the head injury. He redirects his attention ahead, Dr.Coomer and Bubby lead together walking side by side and bickering about something.

"Doctor." Bubby sternly hisses out, fists clenched.

"Professor." Coomer calmly replies, completely ignoring the impeding outburst ready to explode from Bubby.

"Its doctor. You know I graduated 7 times!" Bubby points accusingly at Coomer, towering over the stout yet sturdy mull of a man.

"Professor." Finally Bubby throws up his arms giving up against Dr. Coomer but making no other reaction at retaliating, which baffles Gordon since Bubby isn't one to take losing so easily. Coomer reaches up, patting the other's arm. "Rest assured, if you were anymore powerful, this disaster would be far worse."

"You're damn right."

Gordon only partially understands how that was suppose to be a compliment, but it satisfies Bubby enough that when Coomer throws a playful punch, Bubby lets out a delighted chuckle, even though the punch throws him off-balance.

"How long have you two known each other?" The pair turn together.

"That's none of your business."

"Long to have sparing matches every Sunday at 7."

"Dr. Coomer!" Gordon quietly snuffles a snort away from Bubby, else invoke his wrath. Though with the conversation he just witness, Dr.Coomer will vouch for his survival. It kind of reminds him of himself arguing with Benry. A thought crosses his mind.

"Hey, Dr. Coomer. Can I talk to for a minute." Coomer gladly walks closer for comfortable talking distance, Bubby in tow which Gordon did not want. "In private." Bubby raises a brow and Gordon hopes he didn't just offend him in some way.

"Alright, just don't take too long. We need to keep moving." Without any more trouble, he leaves the pair and hangs around Tommy, who is busy spinning a crushed can like a top.

"What would you like to discuss, Gordon? I assume this is a personal matter." Oh how was Coomer on the money every time with him.

"You and Bubby, you two get along so well and - well I uh..." He doesn't know how to format his question without it sounding like dating advice. Once again, Coomer reads him like a book, he rubs an understanding hand on his shoulder. His stache curls upward showing a kind smile underneath.

"Don't freight Gordon. Dr Bubby and I are very close colleagues, even though it may seem so spiteful, in the end, it's all in good sports. You wish the same, do you?" Gordon takes a deep breath, glad he didn't have to spill out an essay to get the same point, and nods. "And, I assume, this involves Benry?" Another nod. Gordon hides his hands behind him, feeling exposed like a child compared to Coomer's insightful mind. The elderly man places a thumb under his chin, thinking over his experience. "Well, Gordon, I won't entertain you in the invigorating story on how we met, but I can offer some key details."

He pulls back his hand and hold out a single finger. "One, you should know each other. There's no fun in harassing a stranger."

Gordon was about to challenge that point, but Dr Coomer beat him to the argument. "Remember Gordon, security officer Benry has a job too. Just like the rest of us here at Black Mesa." He never considered the passport policy legitimate, sleeping in to work and never bothered to check the emails. It could've been real, as ridiculous of a policy as it was.

Guess Benry saw the real Gordon when he snapped at him. "Two, have something in common. I know Bubby is always up for a good brawl as we both crave some good old violence." Gordon takes a moment to think that one over. What could they possibly share in common? It's not like Benry will not take the chance to run his sanity dry.

"I don't have my passport, I think that's the only thing he's invested in." He lets his arms fall after failing to think of anything else. Half of Coomer's smile goes slack, as if knowing there's more to Gordon than he knew himself. Nonetheless, he continues on.

"Lastly, and listen closely this one is important, communication. Now, it doesn't need to be verbal. Maybe a code or motion to express you're feelings." The Sweet Voice instantly comes to mind, but he can't read that without Tommy's help. "I know you struggle with this one Gordon, and there's no shame. Practice makes perfect."

"What? Why would I struggle, I can barely understand Benry." Gordon jolts upright, confused by Coomer's conclusion.

"Well, you give a lot of mixed signals Gordon. You scream and cry a lot, but whether that is out of distress or happiness- why, if I were in Benry's shoes, I'm sure the experience is nothing short of a game of darts thrown in the dark."

"I don't know how. That's just how I react around him." In all actuality, there was no distinction to his screams. Any define emotion ceases to exists whenever the guard was around.

"Are you done yet?" Bubby calls from afar. Gordon digs his hands over his face, frustrated that this might have been nothing but a waste of time. He's no closer to understanding anomaly's motives than he was before this talk. He feels a pat on his shoulder, looking up to see Coomer's wise face.

"These things take time Gordon, maybe you should let more of real emotions show through and not crudely cover them. As I said, communication is key." He parts and waltz closer to the other members. "But right now we need to get a move on." Gordon wobble behind him to regroup. He's tired of running in circles, thinking he's made progress only to fall back into step one. He looks around afraid to find a skeleton lurking about and listening to his conversation. Thankfully not. He hasn't see it since the hydraulics room.

A door lies ahead. The team opens it and lo and behold.

“hey.” The guard, undeniably same voice, greets from his post. The team offer their own salutations except Gordon, the word 'Benry' clearly written across the id badge. "what took you so long?" Mixed feeling cycle inside Gordon. Anger, guilt, dread... relief, glee. A nudge from Coomer's side beckons him to step up.

“Where have you been?” The guard eyes him, the question lacking the usual aggressive sting directed at him. He quickly dismisses the occurrence, focusing on other objects in the room.

“not important.” Gordon's irritation rises, the fact he is trying to take Coomer's advice and the guard just brushes him aside. 

“Oh, I bet." He grabs the other's hand so his attention is back on him. "Like everything you tend to do?” Gordon can’t deny it, it feels good to argue with someone again and he is indulging in the wide-eyed expression Benry is giving him. The tables are flipped again when he feels Benry's hand clasp around his and he swears he just saw his pupils dilate like a cat. He immediately breaks the hold, freaked out by the inhuman display. He plays it off as shove, too stubborn to let it show he actually was enjoying the moment. “Can I ask you something?”

“no.” Benry's answer came so fast Gordon wonders if he even registered the question. Through, maybe it is better this way.

“You know what, nevermind.”

* * *

Betrayed. He should’ve seen it coming. The strange persistent behavior from Bubby and Benry. He should've pulled them in with him, maybe get a taste of their own medicine in the darkness with him. Feel every steel toe kick and merciless punch, left to only claw at stone cold ground while beaten hard enough to receive several fractures.

Why? Why did this have to happen to him? Because of the stupid trackers?

He cradles his arm, raw nerves on fire from exposure to open air.

He’s so alone. No one to even acknowledge his pain and suffering. What would it matter, knowing the team moved on without him. Tommy and Coomer, they didn't sound involved, but they could have done more than be bystanders. Bubby, he heard the surprise in his voice, he's not innocent, but didn't mean for him to lose hand. And Benry, that's where the betrayal lied. He heard his words, through the beating and his screams for help, he heard it - he wants him dead. Everything before, just a ploy, all to entertain himself. He doesn't care.

Fresh blood burst from his wrist. He grips it tighter trying to stop the blood flow. He has more important priorities, like managing his blood pressure. He needs a first aid kit, or a health station, hell, he’ll even take the damn skeleton for the heal beam. Just need to stay alive.

* * *

It was hell to get the science team assembled again. But one by one, Gordon's come around to forgiving each, including Bubby. The last remaining member impossible for him to forget but he tries, very hard to not think about it. It was all in vain in the end.

“ **BENRY**!” Gordon wasn’t holding back, sprinting to the guard who just showed him his passport and hammering the butt of the pistol with all the force he can muster. The swing sends the guard sprawling on the floor, a feat only managed by Coomer.

“what the hell, man?” Benry doesn’t sound at all as hurt as he should, and that infuriates him.

“Wha- What?!” He kneels down pushing his stump (once a hand) in front of his face. “ **This!** This is what is up!” The guard focuses on the stump not at all impressed.

“what happen to your arm?” He moves to stand, Gordon shakily mirroring his movements.

“You. Did. This.”

“what?” He wants to hit him again, but the first blow took so much effort he just resorts to shoving him.

“Don't lie. You were in on it. The betrayal.”

“what are you talking about?” He casually dusts himself.

“You let those guys cut my hand off! You were there! You wanted me dead!” The guard spares him a perplexed glance. Gordon could almost believe it as genuine confusion.

“...did it hurt?” Did it hurt.

“Of course it hurts! What is wrong with you?” Benry shifts uncomfortably. Did he really think it wouldn’t?

“maybe you should just- just.”

“Just what?! _**What?!**_ ” Gordon grabs his shirt forcing the guard to look at him. Still he tries to avoid eye contact. "What am I suppose to do! Refuse pain? Grow a new hand?" The guard blinks at him, having some revelation.

“oh. yeah just do that.” Gordon lets him go. He had to be screwing with him.

“That’s not how limbs work? I can’t- limbs don’t grow back!” For some reason this remark gets the other's direct attention. He honestly looks worried. No, that can't be it.

“...wha?” Gordon gives us, simply turning away from him.

“Its pointless with you.”

* * *

  
Once again, the Science Team is gathered together for a mass sleep over. After taking his anger out on marines and suffering major blood loss, Gordon feels ready to faint. The morphine in his suit depleted about an hour ago and he had to mentally fend off the full wrath of pain.

“What happen to your arm?” Benry has said that multiple times today, each time sounding more genuine than the last. He be lying if said it didn't bother him. It scared him, even with the sting of betrayal etched into his core. His gaze falls to the guard's corner. He’s not even looking at him, just siting and staring into the wall.

Gordon drops his head back. He rather go to sleep, Benry and trauma was not a welcoming thought for the next morning. Drunk from drowsiness and less than optimal quantity of blood inside him, he clings to the wall to guide himself. He doesn't spare his knees any mercy when he drops down to the other's level.

“Hey, you okay there?”

“silent.”

Gordon doesn’t know how to interpret that. Half-consciously, he begins rubbing the other's back, not caring if he felt it through the vest or not. Pent up rage still burns inside, but his current state can't render it. Its probably for the best if he's trying to comfort the entity. After everything today, there's no way the guard is human.

“Hm, I realize you might not feel pain. Or die for that matter. Tanking bullets and trip mines and the like...” Usually his thoughts were more coherent, back when he had average blood pressure.

“...i didn't mean that. your arm.” He feels like he’s in a dream. Benry admitting his guilt, and sound apologetic?

“How can I believe you?” He just speaking his mind, incapable of filtering out more complex task like masking his doubt. The being spins around so they're facing Gordon in his full overworked glory.

“what if I did this?” Without reason they suddenly yank at his arm and bring it near their mouth. Of course, Gordon instinctively pulls in from the immense shock pulsing up his arm.

“Benry,” he seethes out from clenched teeth. He’s lucky he can only think in straight forward answers. “That _really_ hurts.” He catches a glimpse of the guard before doubling over. They have an authentic look of shock.

“but your-“

“I know what you’re going to do.” He wants to scream but holds it back so he doesn't wake the team. “Just, don’t be rough.” The guard pulls in close and tries again. This time they heed his advice by slowly and gently pulling his arm. He can’t believe this is happening, letting Benry take his wound, trusting him.

He can feel the guard's intense gaze, alert to any sign they're doing something wrong. Small whimpers that get pass his lips are enough to make them freeze. Eventually, They get the arm into position, and looks to Gordon for approval.

His focus dips in and out. Some time passes before finally noticing the guard’s behavior. He nods. The other opens their mouth and emits a soft tune. Barely keeping his eyes open, Gordon looks up to watch the Sweet Voice. Benry's teeth look sharper than normal, but he can't be sure what he see's is real or not.

At first he doesn’t feel anything, then a tightness around the wound, and finally the Sweet Voice stops. Exhaustion takes him over and, disregarding previous thoughts about the guard, Gordon collapses on him.

“y-you good man?” He’s never heard them sound scared.

He gives a weak nod through the Kevlar vest, reassuring Benry that he hasn’t died. Slipping unconscious, he feels hands sift through his hair. He can't stop them, not that he would anyway. The thought of Benry playing with his hair was absurd. It's exactly what they'd do and he’s okay with that. "you're making my job hard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long because I jumped ahead two chapter before filling in this gap. This is more of a collection of mini-stories than one whole chapter, my bad.  
> Side fact: Benry responding with "silent" was accidental but 100% relatable, so I left it in.  
> Chapter updated on June 28


	4. Xen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Black Mesa Xen is beautiful, so I try to incorporate it in this setting.

"hey, we should go back." That phrase has become an on-going gag. Going back for this, going back for that. Obviously, Benry was the most vocal about it above all members of the team.

"No. For the last time, we are not going back!" Gordon stresses each word, not bothering to take is eyes away from the hall ahead, afraid that if he so much as blinks the room will disappear. They were finally here, the Lambda Labs. It was strange to finally be here, it wasn't grand nor exciting as he expected, but at last he can end the nightmare that's ripping portals into their world.

"i'm just- i don't like this place." Benry's tone betrays his voiced concern, sounding more like kid trying to avoid eating his vegetables than actual distress.

Anxiety racks throughout his body as he walks through the hallway. He feels like an astronaut about to board it's rocket. Except there's no rocket and he doesn't fully feel qualified to be space traveling via highly classified teleportation. Before he take another step farther, his vision spirals, his body locks in place and everything is put on pause. He knows exactly what is happening.

"Okay, where are you?" On cue, the suited man appears around the corner.

"Apologies for my abrupt entry, I must commend your efforts. Getting here has been a strenuous task for you, I'm sure." Gordon sighs, quickly remembering all the nonsense he went through to get here. "I've come to warn you of a peculiar... complication, ahead. While we may not agree with one another, I however judge it would benefit us both if-"

"hey." The hairs on Gordon's neck stand on edge. Both bodies direct their focus to the interrupting voice. Gordon goes silent watching as Benry easily strides up front to the man. His demeanor was anything but patience, looking ready to interrogate the white collar at any chance.

"Can I help you?" The older man's voice remained even, spiked with some annoyance. He appeared unfazed about the situation.

"i need to see your credentials. can i see your passport?" Never before in his life did Gordon think that line would please him as much as now. That question did have an effect on the other being, taken aback and having to recompose himself. He can't help but grin at the time lord's plans being thwarted over a passport.

"...Excuse me-"

"i'm just doing my job," the security officer points to his identification badge to reaffirm his position. "you can't be here without credentials. show me your passport." Bizarrely, the suited man reluctantly complies. This 'passport' has to have a double meaning, the way Benry put it made it sound like a warrant. In this case, it was in Gordon's favor, the suited man turning to leave.

"I look forward to your... Appraisal." The words hang in the air with an underlying threat. The world resumes and some sense of normality is restored.

"You were just over here, how did you get over there?" Bubby the puzzle god, must be shuffling through a million equations right now over how Benry just teleported. He'll eventually chalk it up to some magic trick or something. For now, Gordon needs some explanation for what just occurred.

"Excuse me, what was that?" The guard just stares at him. What other reaction what he expecting at this point.

"huh?" The guard starts walking down the hall, the wrong way.

"And where are you going?" Gordon jumps to block the other's path. 

"where we're suppose to go." He tries to push past him which results in Gordon pinning him in place by the shoulders. The guard glares back at him like he's just accepted a challenge. "you trying to stop me, bro?"

"Yeah. I'm not letting off that easy-" The guard blows him a smooch. He looks too complacent in his hold. Maybe the first time, Gordon reeled away, but he's lost count on how many times he's done something like this today. Benry's new favorite trump card, works like a charm - Every. Single. Time. He thinks about his two choices, hating every time he puts him on the spot like this.

"Just kiss already so we can move on!" Bubby speaks up, and probably for the whole team. Gordon rolls his eyes, and begrudgingly lets him go. The guard doesn't make a move, looking rather dissatisfied from lack of contact.

"If you don't want to come, fine by me." Gordon walks past him, several footsteps following behind. Despite Benry's decision, he still finds him following along with the team in to the teleportation room.

Everything between entering and then is a blur. They were ambushed while waiting for the teleporter to charge. He doesn't remember when the portal finished charging, realizing only after Dr. Coomer picked him up with a quick 'Pardon me Gordon' and flung him straight into to the portal. The world around him vanished into a green flash.

* * *

He was possibly dead.

Slowly his vision returns. Lying flat on his back, he feels like he's pulled another all-nighter from grad school.

"Are you alright?" This is one of those 'Bubby actually cares' moments. He blinks the blurriness from his vision and darts his eyes trying to get them to focus, but everything still looks blurry with a purple blue hue.

"Are they trying to eat him?" Tommy's voice raises an alarm in his head and immediately bolts up to a sitting position and the blurriness moves out of the way. The blurs are moving and chirping, what is this? Looking around he notices they're stranded on some rocky island, above the vast night sky. Nope, that was space itself as he took in the view before him.

Layers of nebulae of various colors arc across the emptiness of space, but it's not so empty. Several other islands hang suspended in the air, crystals similar to the test sample, jut out from the edges. Wisps of light mesh with the nebulae above, crossing into cobweb patterns. At the center of the web is a single dwarf star bathing this world in a cool blue. It was breathtaking, a sight that will make any astronomer envious.

"They must really like you mister Freeman." The blurs return, threatening to over take his vision again. These things are like half-blown balloons, simple swats are enough to shoo them away. Its fitting when he finds Tommy cuddling one of the creatures in his arms. Coomer and Bubby are sitting at his side. That leaves Benry unaccounted.

"Where's Benry?" Each member gives a quizzical look.

"I'm sorry Gordon, I was last through. I don't know what's happen to him." Coomer gives Gordon a solemn glance.

"Are you saying he didn't come through, he really did ditched us?" The pain from that betrayal subtly leaks back into his voice.

"We don't know." Bubby shrugs his shoulders, "he might've been taken elsewhere." If Bubby thought that was comforting, it wasn't.

"It is a shame Gordon, but we have to keep moving." Coomer was right. If the imposing red vortex was anything telling, they had a long journey ahead. He takes another look towards the heavens, stars faintly appearing through the layers of dust. 'it's nice' a snippet of a memory plays in his head. That was Benry's voice, but when? When has he ever star gazed with the being? All in all, he agrees with the voice.

"Are you ready to go?" Bubby's tone had no bite in it, either out of sympathy or because he's living his dream in space. He parts away from the scene, joining the team for another long walk.

Immediately they encounter their first problem. Since they're not on a planet anymore, the only way off their floating rock is platforming, which again, is not Gordon's forte. Bubby being the genius, and Coomer the rope enthusiast, find a spare cable from an research outpost. Bubby ties it around Gordon's chest and tests its security. The idea is, in case he misses his jump, a member just needs to grab the cable and pull him back to safety. It's not exactly OSHA approved, but it's better than no safety net.

The tactic works miraculously well, making quick work of leaps and bounds that would've taken them hours to complete. Tag-teaming made things even faster. The environment was still a challenge, discovering plants are just as hostile as it's inhabitants. But that didn't make Xen any less beautiful. Flora and lakes illuminated by some sort of bio-luminescence gave the place a tranquil atmosphere, a stark contrast to Black Mesa's concrete walls and narrow corridors. 

"Okay Dr. Coomer, throw him over." Coomer holds Gordon above his head and torpedoes him towards the other two members. It's remarkably similar to their hydraulics situation, minus the skeleton this time. A small tug at his chest and the two pull him in to land. "This is going pretty well, we should reach the portal in no time!" Bubby beams. He's smiling that alone fills Gordon with joy, that everything in finally turning out their way.

"good job,but- uh, you can't be here." _No_. He imagined that voice, he can't be here too, and what does he mean by 'can't be here.' They're well over a quarter the way. Once Coomer rejoins them, all of them scan different directions and angles, the security guard is nowhere to be seen.

"You all heard that, right?" Bubby asks for validation and all nod in agreement. "Damn." When nothing else happens, they feel safe to press on.

"stop!" They all did as commanded. The voice seems to emanate from everywhere making it impossible to judge it's location.

"Benry, where are you!" Gordon shouts to the emptiness of space. The only response he receives is his echo returning from far away cliffs. There's a soft tug at his hair.

Looking behind him, he's surprised to find the skeleton. It waves at him. He gives a small wave back unsure of what else he can do. The specter walks closer bordering on invading his personal space. A single red orb floats out, inches away from his nose. "Hey Tommy, what does red mean?" He may not be well versed in the Sweet Voice, but he can already think of unfriendly words to rhyme with it. Tommy contemplates his answer longer than usual, he looks just as confused as himself.

"Red can mean a lot of things, can you be more specific?" Gordon doesn't take his eyes off the skeleton.

"It's one note.... Kind of pink-ish."

"Is it on the cheek?"

"The nose." Tommy pauses for a minute and that has Gordon concerned.

"On the nose is you should know."

"What?" Another red over his right eye. "How about on the eye?" The sense of unease grows thicker in the air. There's definitely something wrong here.

"In the eye, means you lie." He can hear Tommy's voice quiver. "Mister Freeman, if this is your imaginary friend I think you should stop." Another orb over his left eye, but this one is shifting from red to purple.

"He put another over my other eye." The orb continues to shift from purple to blue. He moves his head so the orbs don't block his view. "It-it turned blue?" He turns his head looking for the translator's guidance. Tommy was visibly disturbed by whatever this means.

"I-" He's takes another second to sort out what to say. "There's a lot said. I don't think you'll like what it all that means." He squeezes the alien blob tighter and it lets out a squeak. They all gather around him, each offering their own form of comfort, even the skeleton opts to sit besides him.

"Now, now dear Tommy. We've been through a lot together," Coomer rubs smalls circles on his back, the gesture eases Tommy's hug around the alien.

"We went through hell. What can it threaten against us?" Bubby jokes trying to brighten the mood. He wasn't wrong though.

"Okay." Tommy swallows dryly and looks directly at Gordon. "It said you die. Like you're already dead but you're not." The skeleton abruptly stands in response. "But it's really confusing because red to blue mea-."

" **i hate you!** " He can't explain what happen, but where the skeleton was standing was now their missing member. The volume of his voice startling everyone. All eyes were on Benry as he storms over to Gordon. "why don't you listen me? i told you to go back," he says sternly. Gordon has the creeping suspicion about what's going on.

"Why don't you want us here? You seemed very reluctant to come with us."

"i have to do my job and you shouldn't be here." The guard takes a step forward.

"This isn't Black Mesa!" Gordon matches his step.

"that's not it." There's the answer he was looking for, a piece of clarity in the storm.

"You're the problem, the source of what's happening." He presses the barrel of his gun hand into the guard's chest, knowing full well the vest and body were bullet-proof. Maybe he can get Dr. Coomer to knock him out again. The guard's anger suddenly dissipates and looks around, trying to find something to distract himself. "Don't you dare say it."

"what?" Rage boiling over he delivers his own punch with the side of the gun. It makes the guard step back but otherwise doesn't leave any noticeable mark or blemish. Yet he still lets out an 'ow' in response. "that hurts man. can't you see you're hurting me?" Once again he plays the victim, but this time no one defends him. Gordon side steps around him, watching for any tricks Benry might play.

"Okay team, I say we keep going." At a safe distance from the entity, he turns away only for Benry to appear right infront of him, and he's very irritated with his choice.

"can you stop?" The guard presses his chest against him.

"Can _you_ stop!" He pushes the guard aside, not the smartest idea, but Benry's behavior was getting too frightening for him to handle. He makes his escapes to the other side of the island turning around to make sure the guard is still where he pushed him. "I don't know what you are, or why you don't want us here, but we going to get to that portal." The guard walks calmly towards him, the team running around him to regroup behind Gordon. The fact Benry ignores them means he's only interested in Gordon.

"you really want me as the bad guy, huh? you really forcing me to be bad." The team huddles close to Gordon, Tommy squeezing the blob tighter than ever while it desperately coo's back.

"Gordon," Coomer whispers over his ear, a tremor in his voice "I'm scared."

Gordon's not imagining it, Benry's teeth are sharper, large and deadly as a shark. "i'm trying to be nice to you." He circles around the team, standing at the very edge of the island in a final attempt to block them. "but if you're not going to listen, then i'm gonna have to be bad." He's scared, in all honesty, he's afraid of what Benry's going to do. He bites the bottom of his lip, sucking up his energy to appear bold.

"Benry. Get out of the way." The guard looks to his feet and takes a resentful step back. He should've fell into the abyss of space, yet the guard hovers in the air standing as if there was an invisible platform.

"yo feetman, you can't win." Gordon doesn't answer and takes the jump to the next island.

"Book it guys!" And with that, the rest of the team scrambles to follow after him. He makes a solid landing on the island and instantly gets into a running start for the next jump. A tightness around his chest forces him into a whiplash.

"you're pretty bad at this," Benry mocks and pulls the safety cable to reel him in closer. He has a crazed look, teeth in full display. A revolver goes off and the tension suddenly goes slack. With computer perfect accuracy, Bubby's cut the cable. Gordon wastes no time to untie the remainder from his chest. Next second he's tackled from behind, skidding off the the edge and heading straight for the next island, but at this velocity, he's going splatter against the rock face. "trust me, this is pain-"

"HYEAH!" Suddenly he's in Coomer's arms. "I saved you, again!" Gordon looks over Coomer's shoulder, seeing Benry swirl dazed in the air. They push off to continue their course to the next island at a more survivable speed. They miss the top by a few feet but the distance is climbable.

“three against one isn't fair.” Benry's voice is inside his head. “that's okay, my friends help.” Bubby and Tommy appear over the top and offer a helping hand for the rock climbers. Since Gordon only has one hand, the assistance was greatly valued.

“Oh my...” Something catches Bubby’s attention. Finally clamoring over the top, he hears the chorus of multiples Sweet Voice sings through the air. Two skeletons circle around Coomer, encasing him in the cocooning substance.

“Gordon, help me!” Bubby is already at his side, trying his best to shoot the skeletons away only to get caught up in the webbing as well.

“You never said your hallucinations were this damnable!” Bubby tosses his gun in favor of the combat knife he's picked up and gets to work freeing himself. Its a fruitless effort, the skeletons are too fast, coating over more webbing than Bubby can carve out.

“They’re usually not!” Gordon feels guilty, but he has no choice but to leave them, else risk getting trapped too. “Tommy, with me!” The man runs over, still hugging the alien for dear life. They don’t get far, Benry already ahead and cutting them off with a skeleton at each shoulder.

“yo, where you going?” Gordon wishes he could do anything to wipe that nasty smirk off his face. They take a step back, keeping their distance from him.

“Why are you doing this? You’re not like this!” Tommy sounds like he's on the verge of tears. Benry’s grin drops, he looks pained at Tommy’s plea. The pair are forced back to square one with the other two members still struggling to break free. A skeleton hovers over Tommy ready to expel the Sweet Voice. It does nothing and returns to its place at Benry's side.

“i don’t wanna hurt you guys. its just feetman who needs to...” He didn’t say the word but his intention is clear enough.

“Tommy! Gordon!” Bubby has partially freed himself to the point of bearing the portal gun. “We’re getting the hell outta here!” He takes aim at the ground and pulls the trigger.

“ **NO!** ” The voice pierces through Gordon's head so sharply his vision blurs out for a second.

Something massive collides at his side, swatting him out of the portal’s range and essentially leaving him stranded. Gravity pulls him back down, impacting the island from a three story fall, but less gravity help lessen that impact. The team is gone, hopefully somewhere safe. Gordon pulls himself from the ground, trying to center his balance to stand. "no one here to save you now."

The voice sends chills down his spine. He can't do anything else but turn around and face his end. Benry's face takes up his entire view, smiling down at him with a wide sickening grin. He's freaking huge. "end of the line." A deep forewarning spikes inside the scientist as a giant hand strikes out in an attempt to grab him. He leaps out of the way at the last second, landing face first into the dirt. He knows that's not it, another feeling of danger flaring and in response he rolls away to the side. Another one of Benry's hands misses him, crashing down beside his face. "stop doing that!" The entity roars in frustration. Finally a hand catches Gordon, gripping tight enough to keep him secure in his grasp.

Gordon screams and kicks to fight against the hold, only for a moment before being hit with a strong sense of deja vu. He momentarily pauses, confused by his own mix of overlapping emotions. Benry lifts him close to his face. The giant knots his brow, his full gaze bearing down makes breathing impossible. "you don't look scared."

Gordon snaps out of his trance, fear creeping over his expression but unlike previous times, it isn't directed at the being holding him. It took time, again and again, but he finally got his brain to accept Benry as the eldritch entity his is. He could never quite explain why it was so hard for him to keep that fact rooted.

No, the terror his feels is knowing this is where he dies. In Death's grip and the only person who could save him is his own executor, and on few occasions, a friend.

"This is it, this is where you kill me." There is no emotion to his words, blank and empty as his mind. Benry doesn't respond. The silence becomes deafening with his own heartbeat pondering harder by the second. If it keeps up, he might just die from cardiac arrest. "J-Just get it over with." The giant's face falters. Another hand comes forward to tenderly brush the side of his face. Gordon stiffens from the contact but doesn't pull away. Look up at Benry, there' a sorrowfulness in his eyes that looks so awfully familiar.

"i-i don't want to hurt you, friend." Gordon takes in a deep breath, he doesn't know when he suddenly stopped breathing and strains his throat to swallow.

"Let me go then." The grip around him tightens harder. The HEV suit straining to keep his rib cage from being crushed. "Benry- please." Small tears leave his eyes and trail over his cheek. He can't breathe, he's going to suffocate him. He sees the other hand appear and, before he can figure out what he's doing, hears a harsh snap and everything goes black and numb.

* * *

Cold... Dark...

Dark and light...

Teal light... Humming...

"Huh?" His voice groans, his vocal chords too strained to make the word. Maybe pain does persist in the afterlife because he sure feels it- in his neck in particular. He motions to move his arms, at first feeling nothing from the numbness in his body, eventually the blood flows through and his senses come back. Water shifts in response to his movement. He pulls up his hand to smell the liquid, first noting it's green coloration. A drop drips on his lips, lacking better judgement, he tastes it. It's Gatorade. He's in a pool of Gatorade.

More humming sings outside his vision. Regaining most of his body from the numbness, Gordon tries to sit up. He notices the stiff caste holding his neck in place and any muscle in his neck ripping with pain. He manages to pull himself up on the second attempt. He's hardly surprised by the skeleton at his side. It sings more teal under his chin. "You can stop." He waves at it and It cuts off it's singing.

What happen? What he can recall was he died... or blacked-out. The possibility of resurrection is still there. Ultimately, he's alive, evident by surrounding space, a skeleton, pain. Actually none of those are valid reasons to believe he's back in the land of the living. The skeleton points a bony finger over his shoulder. Gordon has to shuffle around to look due to his inability to twist his head. It's the grand portal. It's so close, only scattered platforms bridging the gap between him and it.

Gordon replies with a shake of his head. A mistake as a surge of pain trails up his spine, the Sweet Voice cast already dissipated. Once the pain settles, he answers verbally. "I can't do this," he says to the skeleton. "He killed-" he stops, suddenly remembering who is the skeleton, " _you_ killed me!" The skeleton doesn't show a reaction, only staring silently as usual. "Why would you do that, why keep me alive?" Silence. A bright flash crosses his vision.

"Gordon?!" That's Bubby's voice, but the team they-

"Hello Gordon!"

"Mister Freeman?! Is that really you?" He failed to notice the portal right behind him. The Science Team: Bubby, Coomer, Tommy - they're all here, covered in blood, but still alive and well!

"Guys?" He croaks out, hardly believing his eyes. 

"You look like hell." Bubby's first to observe. Gordon forces himself to stand since he can't look up, swaying slightly and going light-headed. Coomer catches him before he collapses. "What happen to you? We were worried Benry might've... you know." A part of him wants to break that skeleton in half for bringing him back.

"He did... I think." He massages the back of his neck to ease the pain.

"You sure look alive to me." Bubby shoots back. He turns to gaze across into the portal. "I guess this is it."

"Benry's usually not this mean. I'm sorry he did that to you mister Freeman." What is Tommy apologizing for, he shouldn't be apologizing for Benry's behalf.

"What did he do to you guys?" Surely he had to be passed out for more than a couple hours.

"Nothing," came Coomer's reply, "we fought off plenty other baddies. However Benry never came after us." Gordon frowns, none of this is making sense. "I for one, am not surprised. He went after you during your 'accident' too."

"That wasn't my fault! Thank Bubby for dropping me in the first place." Gordon grinds his teeth, remembering his first brush with Death.

"I never said I carried you! Benry did!" Bubby's retort sends Gordon into a furious search for the skeleton so he can finish him off. Curiously, the entity is nowhere to be found.

“So, he was the one who dropped me? I think he wanted me dead.”

“I don't think that was his intention." Coomer pipes up.

"He lugged you for hours. You don’t dispose of a body by continuously carrying it around, you know that.” Gordon's refuses to answer Bubby's input and simply raises his gunned-hand. Hold on.

“Wait, if Benry was carrying me, how was he already down to heal me?”

"He jumped off, of course." Bubby crosses his arms. "Really Gordon, you can't be _that_ dense." Well, yeah there were signs, but no definitive proof of it. How can there be when he just ringed his neck- assuming that's what happen.

“I don't think he really wants to fight us. Or you." Tommy speaks out. "I- I heard something like that, and-and- uh, I don't know.” He looks ashamed of what he just said. Gordon can tell Tommy was hiding something.

“What do you mean ‘something like that?’” Tommy draws his mouth tight and pets his ever present alien like a dog. He nervously looks at the ground debating something on his mind. A second later he opens up.

"Can I tell you this alone?" On request, the other two walk to the far end of their rock while Gordon guides him to the opposite end. Satisfied with the privacy he continues. “You and Benry were talking that one night. I woke up. And you were telling him to stop.” Gordon rakes through his mind trying to find the memory Tommy is talking about. "It was dark but you were on the roof. I don't know why." A flash of that scene comes back, on the roof chatting. There’s more, but he can’t grasp it. “I’m sorry mister Freeman, I know its rude to eavesdrop.” Tommy looks down, aware he's done something wrong, or rude rather, but Gordon absolutely needs him.

“No, keep going.” He urges, now finally able to fill this void since the accident.

“I heard him talk about checking your pulse. He showed you something too, I don't know what but, he didn’t want you to see it.” Pieces are coming back. The outburst, the grappling and the strange intimacy between them. He lets the memory flow, touching Benry’s face, the teeth, and the eyes - all before he accepted the idea of his inhumanity. They had that amusing moment together, peaceful and compassionate. He knew. The whole time since then, he knew his true feelings. He's how his hair was braided when he woke up. It made sense why he was so open, he already knew the truth.

Anguish runs throughout his body. He remembers how it ended. In his most vulnerable state, he told him that he'd stay there, that he could handle it. And in the end, he fled. Driven by fear like a wild animal. He was afraid, afraid of him. He can see that pained and betrayed face, the one time he trusts him to not to run away. Everything's falling into place.

"Mister Freeman, I think our friends are waiting." Tommy points across the way. He spies Coomer already across the way and waving, Bubby standing nearby.

"Yeah-good idea Tommy." Gordon follows the other's trail. It takes them a quick minute to cross the way, he should've stretched that time further. Standing before the ghastly portal he realizes what he must confront.

"Ready when you are," Bubby announces. He has the Science Team to back him, he'll always have them. First he has to make sure.

“Tommy, what does pink mean?”

“Just pink?... That can mean it’s time to sleep or kiss.” He clenches his only fist and dives.

* * *

He looks around the vast cavern, high ceiling, single chamber, practically a hollowed out mountain. In the center he spots Benry, still a giant, lying face down on the floor. Water floods the ground and the lack of bubbles gives the impression he's drowned. That isn't the case when he stirs once noticing their presence.

“oh hey guys.” He smiles down at the group, not as manic as before. He looks tired, a drastic difference to how he was a while ago. Gordon's unsure of what to say to him. He doesn't look mad, but he's already proven a piece of that power. Because of that, he decides to play it safe.

“What is your game here, Benry?” He sloshes through the water to get closer for him to hear. "You killed me." Benry scowls in distaste. He adjusts his position so that he's laying on his side and props his head looking irritated.

“stop causing problems then, man.” It's strange, he's acting like he didn't just murder and resurrect him, behaving as he would in Black Mesa.

“Me?! I’m causing problems?” Gordon feels a prang of guilt but swallows it down to avoid suspicion. He eyes Benry, performing a quick top down glance, looking for signs the guard was lying or masking malicious intentions.

"we could've been great friends," Benry narrows his eyes. "but you had to ruin it."   
Typically when Benry lies, he avoids eye contact or tries changing the subject, neither of those actions occur. There's definitely something off about him, stranger than the usual 'huh' excuse. As far as Gordon can tell, they're trapped in a pit, no escape if things go south. He keeps up with the act.

"What do you want me to do? Apologize?" The giant clenches his hands into fists. Gordon steps back, he's crossed a line. To his surprise, Benry demonstrates an unusual tolerance at keeping his cool. He expels a gruff sigh and relaxes, the water surrounding them settling back into a calm reflection.

“if you just showed me your passport this wouldn’t have happen.” He brings his large hand close. Gordon takes another wary step back in case he tries grabbing him again. Instead he playfully flicks the water to splash him in the face. "what are you going to do about that, mr feetman?" He doesn't know, he's already is teetering on his options.

Expecting an immediate retort, Benry leers closer, "hey, you're being pretty quiet. what's wrong man?" That last bit sounds earnest. Before his revelation, he would've shouted that he wants him dead. In fact, Benry should be saying the same.

The frustration over the situation continues to build inside him, he wants to scream to get some of it out. The whole journey has been decisive, each decision and turn as blatant as a one-way sign. But now, under unrelenting eyes, he's conflicted. He should kill him, someway somehow end all of this and move on. But what would that solve, it's obvious neither of them want that outcome. He lets out a small slip.

“If I had my passport, I wouldn’t have rated you a 7.” Benry stiffens with eyes wide. Gordon feels the impeding avalanche he's just unleashed.

"you're making stuff up." The giant slams his hands, drenching Gordon under another tide, "i don't- you don't know what you're talking about. just- fight me!" This was a faster response than he expected. Too fast for him to rile himself into a battle.

“I didn't ask you anything!” The chamber goes dark. The water turns choppy as Benry moves to stand. Sensing danger, Gordon goes into fight or flight mode and readies his gunned arm.

"you going to shoot me?" He keeps his gun aimed, but doesn't fire. He can’t make out Benry’s features in the darkness. The limitation in both physical head movement and lighting only reveals part of his towering silhouette. This only reminds him how unprepared he is to battle the guard. “...who told you? i bet it was Tommy.” Gordon hears shuffling behind him, undoubtedly the Science Team protectively guarding their friend.

“Leave Tommy out of this!” He takes a step forward to keep Benry away. An inhuman hiss resonates throughout the chamber. It takes him a minute to realize Benry's making the noise.

“i don’t wan’t you close to me!” Benry violently swipes at the ground to kick up another tide, his arm stretching out longer to an ungodly proportion. This time the splash hits Gordon with a enough force to knock him backwards. “you shouldn't be here!”

“I didn't want to be here either!” There’s a horrible roar that forces him to cover his ears. The sheer volumes makes the chamber tremble, and rocks and dust escape from newly formed cracks. Benry claws at his head, his mouth gaping wider than any normal human and shadows of fangs protrude from his lips. Gordon watches stunned, not sure of what to do or say that could pacify the beast.

“you’re always making things harder! i want- i try to be nice!” he aggressively pounds the ground. The brute force knocks Gordon clean off his feet and the resulting surge of waves that follow send him crashing into the wall disorientated.

“Gordon!” He hears Dr. Coomer’s voice and soon he’s pulled out. Parts of the ceiling give way and boulders crash in explosive displays upon impact. “I measure the structural damage is at 22%. If this continues we might not survive the collapse.”

“Mister Freeman, look!” Everyone turns to look where Tommy’s indicating. Benry is grabbing at his head fighting with his own turmoil. A faint trail of red orbs leaks up from his mouth. “He doesn’t want to hurt us, b-but he’s not doing good either.”

“I don’t know what the hell just happen between you two,” Bubby speaks up supporting Gordon’s other arm, “but you fucked up. Again.” At this point Gordon regains his balance and stands on his own.

“I don’t know what to do.” Gordon shakes his head admittedly lost. Another crash occurs and he see’s Benry’s fist against the wall. The chamber quakes violently, more of the ceiling and walls fall apart revealing holes to the vast space outside.

“Please, mister Freeman, you have to do something.” Tommy is on the verge of tears. There’s no turning back for Gordon now. Back on his feet he powers through the tides, which would’ve been near impossible without aid from the HEV suit.

“Benry!” He yells, still a distance away. The eldritch being doesn't respond. He waits for the waves to crest before cupping his hands to holler again, "HEY!"

“you should never be here.” Gordon jumps slightly at the voice. Benry’s voice is altered, half sounding himself and half sounding alien with deep underlying hisses. Ruptures in the floor act as drainage making Gordon's trek easier. There's a thunderous crack. He looks up and pales watching a large stalactite just separated from the ceiling. With the floor already splintering, it easily burrows through creating a crater. Cracks run outward and chase him to the wall. Thankfully only small pieces of the floor flake away, but he's not going to press his luck at testing it's integrity. He notices the Science Team running for him.

"No! Stay over there!" Through the chaos and crashing, the team heeds his command. There's a loud snap and a ravine opens up separating him from the team. He's on a time limit, it's now or never. He focuses back over to Benry who's huddled in a corner. His face is covered, but he can tell he's under heavy distress.

“Benry! I never admitted it but-!” Another shriek cries out akin to metal grinding metal.

“just give up!” The rest of Benry’s human form contorts and jolts into unnatural angles. His eyes illuminate to their cyan coloration, revealing he has more than one pair. More of the ceiling crumbles away and Gordon can only pray he doesn't get hit.

“70% Gordon!” He hears Coomer call from afar. Patches of the floor start breaking away and the ceiling looks it will cave at any second.

“Benry, I need you to know,” He creeps along the wall to get as close as he can manage to the contorted figure. “I care about you- I love you! I mean it. I -“ The floor gives out under him and Gordon watches in horror as the roof finally gives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter updated on July 1


	5. The End

Silence. Is it over? Gordon opens his eyes to see space once again. Above him hangs the collapsing chamber, but none of the pieces are moving. In fact, he should be falling into the emptiness of the space.

“i still don’t believe you.” He doesn’t see him but hears Benry lurking nearby. His voice void of emotion and not ... whatever creature he is.

“I believe it. As many times as I try to deny it.” Gordon answers into the void. Benry suddenly appears at his side, upside down and retaken his normal human appearance.

“wow, someone sucks at lying to themselves, bro.” A grin grows on his face. "idiot."

Gordon can never understand this guy. One minute he wants to murder him, the next he's teasing him like an annoying sibling. He sighs, knowing better than to try understanding and just roll with it.

“We’re both idiots.” Gordon groans, letting his body go limp and float in the weightlessness. He hears the Sweet Voice followed by blue orbs filling his vision. “Get your balls out of my face.” He swats at the orbs until they eventually fade. Benry is face to face with him, sitting upright and mere inches from Gordon.

“so are you going to prove it to me?” The guard continues to float there, hands resting on Gordon's wrists to keep him anchored. It's as if everything in between that night and now ceased to exist. He drifts to the side, pulling Gordon with him in a slow spin. 

“Yeah..." Gordon takes a deep breath, "but first, I need to apologize about that first night.” Benry’s face drops. “I thought we were... god, I don't know. I wasn’t thinking right.” The guard twists away obviously not keen on reliving that moment. Gordon reaches out and plants a hand on the other's shoulder. The entity stares at it with some regard. “I'm sorry.” Benry blinks at him, giving Gordon his full attention. "I should not have ran. And I don't plan to if you ever want to open up again." The corners of the entity's lips pull upward in a light smile. Not shying away from showing their fang filled maw.

“you mean that?” The voice came across anguished and their face scrunches in a twist of several emotions like someone trying to enjoying a lemon after eating it whole. Gordon assumes this was the being’s attempt at expressing genuine joy, which would explain why Benry seem to only express three emotions.

“Heh, you’re a pain in the ass, but you’ve grown on me. In someways, I wasn't even aware of it.” Gordon lightly smiles his features quickly turning solemn. “I didn’t mean to hurt you and I certainly didn’t want - this!” He gestures with arms to the collection of boulders frozen above them. The Science Team is caught in there somewhere, he's not sure how he can save them in this mess. 

“yeah, me neither.” Benry follows his gaze. He lightly pushes off and soars out of sight into the cavern. “wasn’t cool of you to drag our friends along.” The voice resonates inside Gordon's head, that was going to take more time to getting used to. A green flash of light reflect off the walls.

"What did you just-"

“yo chill out,” Benry reappears from the rocks, literally phasing through them, and slowly drifts back down to Gordon. “i just sent them back. i'm not going to hurt my friends.” Gordon can help but smile at that, whatever Benry is, they still hold some honest similarity to being human.

"Were you the one making the portals. This whole time, you could create them?"

"huh?" The guard looks over to Gordon. "oh, no. that portal gun just needs some gamer fuel. i can't make those."

“So, what happens now? You’re just going to leave me here?” The guard floats in closer. He takes Gordon's good hand into their's.

“you want to see something cool?” There's a certain mischievous grin that Gordon has become familiar with Benry, and this was it. Before he answers, Benry hugs him and shoots high through space, above the crumbling structure.

Gordon, not well versed in flying, reasonably clings to Benry’s vest watching the formation disappear behind wisps of gases and dust. “jeez, relax.” And just like that, Benry lets go. Gordon covers his eyes fearing the worse, plummeting through space forever or until he hits an island. He feels a pair of hands over his own, they attempt to peel his palms away from his face. “open your eyes, bro.” Benry commands, still at his side and mildly frustrated.

Gordon takes a peek then completely drops his arms. He’s still floating where Benry dropped him, and in front of him lies the vastness of Xen. Winged creatures resembling sting rays hover frozen in place. They lay suspended under arc passages that Gordon can't tell were natural formations or not. The islands glow in neon alien fauna, strangely blue liquid resembling water cascades over the edges that falls over another islands, and the backdrop of wisps swirling in brilliant colors; it is a magically majestic view. “told you it was cool.” Benry crosses his legs taking a seat besides him. “this is it.”

“What?” Gordon looks away from the scene to Benry, worried by his ominous words. “What do you mean?” Benry keeps his gaze on space, looking calm as ever.

“this is the end. i tried to stop you, and uh... turns to an epic fail.” There’s a low chuckle and bits of the Sweet Voice bubbly out as he cracks a smile, “gg, friend.”

“This is the end...” Gordon repeats. He takes a moment to watch the pink orbs disappear. Once they're gone, he rejoins Benry in just staring out into space. He’s not sure what they’re waiting for, nor how long Benry can keep time frozen, but, for now, he's content with the stillness.

Hands suddenly weave around him. Benry pulls him close and leaves a soft smooch on his check. Gordon giggles in response. “Is this going in your 'cringe' compilation?” For once, he's not offended by Benry's snickering.

"100% bro." Their hands shift upward and begin toying with his hair, carefully working off the tie until they can pull out loose strands. "your hair looks like PS1 Hagrid." Benry sure had a way of breaking one's sense of humor, they had to hold Gordon still as the scientist broke into laughter. Gordon wipes a stray tear from his face, taking steady breaths to calm himself.

“What are you going to do, after this is done?” He playfully elbows Benry but the hands stop their movement.

“bro. this is the end.” Gordon twists around, noticing Benry’s sharp shift in tone. “uh, you won’t see me again.” His heart misses a beat.

“What? What are you talking about?” Unnervingly on cue, a bright flash of someone, or something, teleporting in blinds him.

“oh, he’s finally here. bummer.” Benry is unfazed by whoever just arrived, but Gordon has a sinking feeling he knows who it is.

“Doctor Freeman.” The slick and unrelenting voice addresses. Gordon, using Benry for support, stands up to meet with the suited man. “Impressive work, though, a man of your character, I should not expect anything less.” The deity walks over to the pair, despite the lack of a floor.

“yo.” Benry greets, still sitting on the ‘ground.’ The fact the two are leveled makes Gordon wonder if there is a floor shared between them. In response, the older man roughly tightens his tie, eyeing the guard.

“I am aware you are acquainted with this... derivative. I'm sure I need not to explain why such a matter will require some... apprehension. If you will kindly step aside, I will resolve this minor issue, and you can resume your excursion.” To his annoyance, Gordon doesn’t budge.

“I don't know what your problem is, but I’m not just going to hand him over.” Adrenaline pumps throughout his body ready to fire his gun at any given moment. The man cracks a sinister smile.

"I'm afraid that is outside my - jurisdiction. I understand it, it's never informed you of our 'arrangement.'" He raises a hand in notion to Benry, who shifts uncomfortably at being put on the spot. "After I discovered it's capabilities, I offered it a... temporary position. And as the employer, I must up hold certain r-responsibilities that happen to suit it's interests. All thanks to you." Gordon stares back at the agent, confusion written over his face. "However, this position remains legitimate until I found a suitable replacement. Which brings us to now."

"You want me to replace him? Why- what's so special about me? I can't do half the shit Benry can do." The suited man shakes his head slightly. The world around fades to black, like a theater dimming its lights. A light shines and he finds himself in the hydraulic room. Four figures huddle to discuss what to do, the Science Team and himself.

"Can you recall this?" The strange man asks, suddenly standing beside Gordon.

"no! don't!" Benry begs from outside the room, incapable of manifesting with them. The scene plays out exactly as Gordon remembers. Bubby crosses, then Tommy, then himself. He trips and Dr. Coomer saves him. But that doesn't happen, Dr.Coomer is stuck behind the first piston, he can't save him and the press is coming down. It's not stopping. He spots the skeleton sitting at the rail just watching, uninterested in what's to come. The world fades to black again, but he hears his horrid scream slip through.

"That didn't happen. I'm alive." It's true, how can that be real if he's standing in front of them.

" _Exactly._ " The word slithers off the tongue in a haunting manner. More spotlights are lit,each illuminating a different death. The fall, his hand, Benry's fight, drowning, sniped, bleeding. All of them depicting the moment before he died. "You see, Dr. Freeman, the bargain struck involved your untimely demise, either naturally or deliberate." Once again a notion to the guard currently clasping his hands over his head, unwilling to listen. "I had a hunch about, Freeman, and I merely needed to prove it. Resetting the clock gave me that proof."

"You killed me?" Gordon turns to Benry, but he doesn't answer. "How many times did I die in this contract of yours?" Forgetting they're levitating, Gordon feebly attempts to run up to him which only served to offset his posture. 

"i didn't want to, really, i didn't." Benry reluctantly defends. "but now you know i had to... at some-sometimes i couldn't. i had to help. i'm not a bad guy."

"Why didn't you warn me or say anything?"

"i couldn't." Before he can elaborate more, the agent interrupts by clearing of his throat. 

"Now, now. No need to be harsh." He clasps his hands behind him and strides over to the guard. "Your fri-friend had a job to perform, and they served that duty well. Simply keeping quiet about the ordeal fell into one of the- requirements. If they failed, I am obligated to terminate their contract." He places a cold hand on the guard's shoulder, the guard shivers on contact. "And when they are no subject of mine, their well-being is not of my concern."

"you can try, i know your tricks." Whether Benry was bluffing or not, the agent chooses to ignore him. He switches his focus and approaches Gordon, the snapshots surrounding them gradually changing to reflect his journey, or the life he's been living.

"They are many who argue for the fixture of fate. That what is destine is unyielding to change. You, Dr.Freeman, are an exception." He stands so close Gordon can feel an otherworldly aura emitting from the deity. "An extraordinary trait that caters to my interests and my employers'. That is why I am offering this position. My services, in exchange for your own." The real world fades back into view. "You've already received approval and I can assure you the transition will be swift." He extends a hand for a handshake. Everything about this man reeks with manipulation.

"No, I don't accept." The agent's face wrinkles into a scorn.

"yeah, tell him." Benry cheers from his spot.

"Dr. Freeman, I advise you reconsider..." he pauses for a sharp intake of air. "Otherwise, you forfeit your position for future endeavors.”

It's one thing for Benry to not be human, at least he can sufficiently act like one. But this older man appears to have less practice, which makes the experience ever more uncanny.

“You mean doing this all again? No, I don’t think so!” Gordon's vision spirals and suddenly gravity is back. He shrieks at feeling himself fall, until there’s a strong tug at his arm. Looking up he sees Benry holding on to his arm.

“Perhaps I should remind you that today is Tommy’s birthday,” the suited man continues calmly. Like Benry, he's still suspended in the air. “It would be a shame if his ‘best friend’ refused his invitation to the - party. Don't you agree?”

“dude, both of us are Tommy’s best friends.” Benry comments. This only aggravates the older man more base on the scowl he shoots at him. The guard begins hoisting Gordon up, then just stops. Gordon holds on confused. Then he hears it, the thunderous clap of rotors overhead and - _it's the fucking helicopter heap._

“You might recognize this device and its ‘inhibiting’ properties.” The man hovers over the guards shoulders, who remains petrified. Benry retorts with a raspberry but the man takes no offense. “Given the circumstances, I take it you would prefer a more, private respite to conclude your thoughts. This does mean parting with your companion.” Gordon struggles to keep his grip, especially when he only has one hand.

“bro, just go.” Benry mutters through clenched teeth. Gordon shakes his head.

“No obligations, the decision is all yours, Freeman.” The man bows low for him to hear, awaiting his answer with a predatory smile. He’s losing his grip by the second. Benry’s eyes glow, pleading him to stop.

“Alright! I’ll take your offer!” He knows the older man is smiling and a small portal opens below him. With his grip giving out Gordon manages a last farewell.

“Goodbye...” He falls into the portal, he hears Benry’s voice echo in his head.

“Peace.”

* * *

He slams face first onto hard metal floor. Bile rises up his throat, partly from motion sickness and the rest from the mounting regret inside of him.

He pounds his fist at the floor, venting out his emotions and try to calm himself. Benry could have done that for him. Another finally swing. Nothing was going to change, Benry is gone. Catching his breathe, the scientist takes in his surroundings. He's in the Black Mesa tram, but instead of bland concrete walls, streaks of white whiz by as it travels forward in a black void.

"All arrangements are in order," at the head of the tram stands the suited bastard. Gordon takes aim with his gun, but its-its his hand - his real hand. He inspects the limb, flexing each finger in disbelief. "I took the initiative of removing your prosthetic... A favor returned, if you will." Gordon clenches his jaw, both hands gripping into the grated floor.

He wishes this was all a dream, nothing but a dream and wake up. Wake up to Benry smirking down at him and calling him an idiot. Ironic, his nonsense was one of the things that kept him sane throughout the journey. And it's only now, when he's gone, gone for good, that he realizes how much he meant to him.

A flash of a portal crosses his vision. "I apologize for the rush, but - we are pressed on time." Gordon looks back up, the pain in his neck fading to just mild soreness. A sparking orb of light rests inside the tram doors. The agent raises a hand to welcome him in to it. "If you will kindly step through the portal, we can proceed to the party." A corner of their lips curve into a sickening grin.

Gordon can barely move, the dysphoria weakening his limbs to paste. He clings to the metal railing nearby to pull himself up. He's tired, weak and helpless; pathetic. Beads of sweat blends with his tears, sending drops to the floor. "It's time to go..." The older man presses.

"Wh-what did you- you do to him?" He asks weakly, his body quivering to hold up his own weight.

"That, I can not disclose." The agent strides to Gordon's side. "We are running behind schedule. Everyone is waiting." They then make the outlandish act of helping him, arm over shoulder. He's forced into taking one unsteady step after the other as he's guided to the front. There is definitely an off putting energy from the deity, the contact causing tiny sparks to fly out from the HEV suit. The figure sets him down on the front seat. Gordon can barely keep his head up. Somehow, that short walk drains him even more. "I can not make this decision for you. But part of my services requires me en-ensuring you are capable of managing them."

The scientist pans his head to the side. The portal buzzes nearby, he can just fall into it. He can't just give up like this. He rather let the void take him, fall into an eternal sleep than... than....

Another bright flash, this time somewhere in the back of the tram. "Tom-Tommy?" The older man's voice cracks. There's no way he said that. Gordon sluggishly forces himself to turn around.

Tommy is standing in the back of the tram, Bubby's portal gun in hand. "Tommy." The figure speaks with softness that Gordon could never imagine. "I told you to wait at Chuck - E - Cheese." This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. This has to be a nightmare fever dream.

"I know. But-but I heard rumors." The government man, clearly having higher priority for Tommy, tends to him.

"Papa is working, right now." He pats the scientist's shoulder, talking to him like a small child. "And you shouldn't be talking to Fo-For-zen." The name catches Gordon's attention. Figures, holding a dog hostage and being ex-friends with a space god, he would get around.

"But he told me Benry was in trouble." The deity answers with a solemn nod. "Why is he in trouble? Did he do something wrong?" With the last of his depleting strength, Gordon heaves himself up the seat to get his friend's attention.

"Tommy," the scientist smiles ready to exclaim a greeting. "He took Benry. Did something." Tommy's face goes alarm, grimacing back at his dad with tears leaking from his eyes. The government man loses all composure, dropping his suitcase to embrace him.

"Plea-please, you can't." Tommy balls into tears. "Please don't! He's my- He's- my friend!" The agent kneels down to rub his back, ignoring the wrinkles creasing into his suit. He gives Tommy a moment to recover, the sobs dying down as the father figure lightly straightening his hair. "C-can you bring-ing him back?" The agent swallows painfully, switching his focus between his son and Gordon.

"Yes," He reluctantly answers. Gordon's eyes perk, there was hope. "However, 'Ben-rey' is... unpredictable at times. Your safety is always a prime concern of mine." As much as Gordon hates to admit it, they were right. He can't trust Benry alone with so much a cheese grater. Tommy rubs away the last bit of his tears with his sleeve.

"Benry would never hurt me. He's really nice, like you." Gordon keeps silent about his personal opinion on that comment. Each plea urges the agent more into reevaluating his conduct. "I trust Benry as much as I trust Sunkist stopping an impeding meteor straying from the belt between Jupiter and- and Mars." The figure picks him up like a child and sits him down on a seat. They take a seat beside Tommy, pursing their lips in debate.

"Are you certain?" They ask, still not fully convinced. Tommy nods.

"I overheard the rules. He didn't break any of them." The deity hums in thought. Whatever rules they were, Tommy was clearly in the right. "An-and, it's my birthday." That was the final blow. His dad exhaling a long sigh, unable to rebut that remark.

"Indeed it is... Very well." The tram abruptly halts, sending Gordon toppling off his seat while father and son are unaffected. They both stand and direct there attention to the sprawled out physicist. "Dr. Freeman, I must leave to attend... other pressing matters." He pats Tommy's back. "You will see your fr-friend, up ahead. Take the portal once you are finished." The tram jolts as it changes trajectory and a blinding white light consumes his vision. "And, do take your time..." He hears Tommy whine a 'papa' before their voices fade away.

* * *

Seconds pass, he blinks confirming he's still alive. Eventually, colors and shades bleed back into his retinas. He's still on the tram floor, and windows still host the void. Pushing himself up he finds the tram has docked with a.... an airplane? The tram doors open to the haul of the plane. A shadow moves inside the haul meaning someone was inside. His heart pumps against his chest and he clambers inside.

He finds the guard inside, resting in a makeshift bed built from a parachute and duffel bag for a pillow. But he's not the shadow he saw.

There's another person here, a military opt, sitting quietly in one of the cargo seats beside the guard. The mysterious man silently observes Gordon through his gas mask lens. Gordon offers a small awkward wave.

"Hey." But just like the skeleton he doesn't respond. He directs his attention back to the security guard.

Several thoughts run through Gordon's mind. Was this intended, is Benry suppose to be here or did this man save him? If he did save him, then that means Benry persisted into the void. Could the agent really not kill him? Whatever the answers, it doesn't explain who this person is and why he would act as his caretaker. "I'm suppose to take him back. Is that okay with you?"

The stranger casually stands, walks past him and into the plane's cockpit leaving him alone with Benry. Gordon quickly runs over to the guard, violently shaking him to wake up. No reaction. He tests Benry's breathing, he's not breathing. Then again, he's never seen Benry take a breath before swimming nor ever fear drowning. He then checks the pulse. Relief washing over when he feels one, faint but steady.

He looks back to the entrance, somehow he'll have to load him into the tram. He tries to carry him, but that idea is quickly shot down, Benry is a lot heavier than he looks, and that's probably due to the not-human factor.

The door to the cockpit opens, and the stranger comes back with a scrap of paper in hand. Noticing at what Gordon is doing, he pockets the paper and lifts one end of the parachute. He hands Gordon the far end, going into a charging stance. Gordon understands the plan, pulling the material over his shoulder and matching the other's posture. They march in sync, pulling the sled bit by bit until they have the unconscious guard through the tram doors. Gordon gives his thanks, completely out of breath. The stranger takes his folded up note from his pocket and hands it to him. Over the top in neat lettering it reads:

> Forzen

-Team Nice

Gordon doesn't know what to make of the situation. A military opt requesting him to deliver a note to Forzen? He feels like he's missing a large chunk of information.

The stranger crosses back into the plane. Behind him, Gordon notices a handwritten sign taped to the wall, the alphabet and some sort of code resembling Morse. "You made a pact with the devil too." The guy glares back, a sense of understand shared between them. The tram doors close and a pure white 'door' opens ahead for the tram to speed through. Before they enter the 'door' he swears he heard radio chatter. "AIRPLANE."

* * *

He hopes that is the last time he needs to teleport, temporary blindness is really putting a strain on his eyes. He see's blue and white. The blue sky and clouds. Something nudges his side. He looks over seeing the guard relaxing next to him on the asphalt. They're in the Chuck E. Cheese front parking lot.

"hey, finally awake from your nap." Hearing his voice again, he smiles. Benry continues looking up at the sky. "don't know what happen. but thought i be a bro and join you napping in the parking lot. then everyone would think we're just chillin'." Benry sits upright and produces the letter given to him. "also, why do you have this. don't think Forzen would appreciate you reading his mail, bro." Gordon bolts up to snatch back the letter but Benry is too quick and holds the paper out of reach.

"Give that back!" Gordon's words are muffled behind Benry's hand. "I know you have a grudge against Forzen, but can you make this an exception."

"no." Benry answers without any consideration.

"Why not?!" Two minutes in and he already wants to throw Benry back into the void.

"because i already read it." Gordon stops struggling, "you give this to him, he'll to break you in half." He stores the letter under his helmet. "i'll give it to him."

The front doors burst open. Tommy and crew surround the pair.

"You made it, mister Freeman!" He hugs both him and Benry.

"We were about to fly some kites." By the looks of it, Coomer's the only one with intention of flying a kite.

"You're late!" Bubby pouts.

"Ah, yeah, sorry. Did you already blow out the candles?" He asks Tommy, who shakes his head 'no.'

"I waited until you showed up. And you brought back our friend."

"sup," Benry offers a small wave, then sulks away. "sorry i can't join your epic birthday. i'm banned from the rat's pizza." Gordon is not even going to ask what he did to get banned from a children's restaurant. "but i do have a gift," he reaches under his helmet and pulls out a bey-blade. There's definitely a pocket dimension under there. Tommy gasps and takes the trinket.

"The wizard fafnir F5!" He gleams at the toy, then looks back to Benry, tears dripping from his eyes. "Thank you! Now I'll win every battle forever and ever!"

The guard stands up and dusts himself off, "uh, i have to go somewhere. you have fun." He holds a hand out for Gordon. The sun reflects off his helmet creating a halo effect. He takes the hand and gets pulled up with more force than needed. For a split second, Benry discretely kisses his cheek before letting him go. "later, Feetman." He calls before walking off.

"That's not my name!" Gordon yells at him, before joining everyone else inside the establishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bring back Adrian Shepard. Yes, I'm saying he's the one sending the coded messages through the radio.  
> Chapter updated on July 3


End file.
